A coffee-fueled round-table discussion about the book, "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion. Listen in as Zan and his guests explore the themes and concepts of the book in immense and surprising detail. The episodes will be released on a regular basis, so don't forget to subscribe!
In this episode: Part Seven of the discussion on the chapter: The Way of Love __________________________________________________
"In Search of the Alabaster Girl" Producer: Zan Perrion Director: Ioan Bati Editor: Gabriel Coroiu Sound Editing: Nikolaos Spyratos Original music: "Tango del'Amor" by DaKsha & Nandi With: Zan Perrion, Jordan Luke Collier, Rich Thompson, Owen Davis
Ars Amorata is a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure.
Zan Perrion is internationally recognized as one of the most original and insightful voices on relationships and seduction in the world today. A regular media commentator, he has been widely featured in the international press. Zan is the founder of the Ars Amorata philosophy--a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure. He is also a co-founder of the Amorati network of men. Zan divides his time between Canada and Romania and can be found at www.zanperrion.com and www.arsamorata.com
A coffee-fueled round-table discussion about the book, "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion. Listen in as Zan and his guests explore the themes and concepts of the book in immense and surprising detail. The episodes will be released on a regular basis, so don't forget to subscribe!
In this episode: Part Seven of the discussion on the chapter: The Way of Love __________________________________________________
"In Search of the Alabaster Girl" Producer: Zan Perrion Director: Ioan Bati Editor: Gabriel Coroiu Sound Editing: Nikolaos Spyratos Original music: "Tango del'Amor" by DaKsha & Nandi With: Zan Perrion, Jordan Luke Collier, Rich Thompson, Owen Davis
Ars Amorata is a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure.
Zan Perrion is internationally recognized as one of the most original and insightful voices on relationships and seduction in the world today. A regular media commentator, he has been widely featured in the international press. Zan is the founder of the Ars Amorata philosophy--a celebration of the art of seduction, the rebirth of romance, and a lifelong quest for beauty and adventure. He is also a co-founder of the Amorati network of men. Zan divides his time between Canada and Romania and can be found at www.zanperrion.com and www.arsamorata.com
So this is better than everything. Why isn't the person moved? Lionizing? Don't worry. Remember being in Medellin last year? Medellin Bit my tongue when I said that I went to a nightclub and there was a woman there and I was speaking to her friend it was her sister, and it was a really good conversation, and the woman that I'm going to talk about is like completely quiet Colombian.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, she doesn't say anything at all and I try and talk to her and there's no exchange. So I invite the sister to dance with me and she's like no, I just like to talk and don't like to dance. So I invited the woman out of complete courtesy. Okay, well, your sister doesn't want to dance, but I do, and you're looking lonely and bored here, so I'll take you out.
Speaker 2:
I had her in my arms and I was not attracted to her. I didn't feel any verbal, nothing in common. It was a courtesy thing and I put my arm around her and started to dance and within about five seconds, my entire body was a light with tingles, like all over my head, my body, my legs, my arms, and so I was naming that right and wanted to get her to admit to the same thing, because I was sure that that was symmetrical and that I wasn't going to be a light with tingles. And she wasn't going to be a light with tingles and, like she didn't feel anything, it took about an hour and a half. So I'm like, well, you're still dancing with me and she wouldn't go anywhere. I tried to put her down and talk to the sister and I actually just wanted to continue. Put her down, it's great, pick her up and put her down.
Speaker 3:
An hour and a half.
Speaker 1:
I had to try to put her down.
Speaker 2:
And after an hour and a half she finally admitted yeah, she was feeling it and it was really intense all along, but she was so embarrassed about it.
Speaker 1:
Oh wow, she was just too hidden to say it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so she admitted it. Oh yeah, it's dangerous for a woman to say something like that, especially like a foreign guy in her country. She's got no idea who I am or what my intentions are.
Speaker 1:
But you didn't see it at first. You didn't see that in her. You said you weren't re-attracted to her until you started to dance with it.
Speaker 2:
Well, when I danced with her, I felt the tingles. I knew that there was something different Love at first dance. Tingle at first dance. Tingle at first dance.
Speaker 1:
And you said you named it, but you didn't name it for her as well, which is what you? Well, it took her. Well, you named it, but you spoke about it. You said this is what I'm feeling. And she's like yeah, pretty much. But she admitted it finally later, when she yeah, it's a case of you're still dancing with me.
Speaker 2:
You don't want to be put down, so I know you feel it too.
Speaker 1:
What, in that instance, would you say I know you feel it too. Well, only if it was real, if only if I could feel that she felt it too. But you didn't feel it.
Speaker 2:
Or you didn't. So if I imagine that she felt it all along, you imagined it Because I felt it and I was like you feel that too, don't you Obviously you did yeah, yeah, and it was incredible to think like no, didn't find her attractive at first sight, look-wise, didn't have anything to talk to her about, and then we dated a little bit. After that. We never had anything to talk about the entire time even with me speaking. Spanish it was like the mind connection was not there, but bodies are alike. It's incredible.
Speaker 3:
So you can still have one kind of connection, but not all connections it.
Speaker 1:
Of course. Of course, it's all kinds of ways to connect Mind, connection, heart connection, spirit connection.
Speaker 3:
Maybe it's not just the heart level, it's the heart and mind, body, everything.
Speaker 2:
Just put it out there we write it Statement.
Speaker 3:
That is a statement, but do we feel so? You talk to? You felt like a heart connection here. I guess.
Speaker 1:
I guess we know how you feel a body connection.
Speaker 3:
that's pretty obvious Is there another level.
Speaker 2:
It's a mental, one Mind connection.
Speaker 3:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Of course I'd imagine we've all got a mind connection. Yeah, not a body one, except that first time I saw you're London. Oh yeah, as you just disclosed yeah.
Speaker 3:
That's true and I should rephrase the question. But how do you? You know you feel the heart connection if you feel a sensation here?
Speaker 2:
you know the body well, we all know about it, but the mental one I guess you just know through conversations, a natural thing Like if you ever met a girl and then you sit down and have a coffee somehow and it's like the conversation's so alike two hours past and it feels like 15 minutes and it's like let's just hang out all night and talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but it could be also they have a very passionate draw towards someone but you don't really like the way she thinks. You're not aligned with the way you think, but your bodies are like drawn to each other. So, yeah, there's all kinds of variation. We can talk about that all day and speculate, because we're speculating as good as anybody in the world speculating. I remember seeing cute girls in the morning. While you talk to them the morning, you don't like them that much. Yeah, so that's symmetry. Did you get your question answer?
Speaker 3:
I've got bigger questions now, because you're right, it's a cliché that people talk about. You know the body, heart, mind and soul and all these different levels which I think you kind of encapsulate with the heart. But even the mental one of course that's important, the conversation. That's a perfect example where you've meant to speak for 15 minutes. See there three, four hours later. Didn't notice the time. It's that flow, energy again, which is natural.
Speaker 2:
There's a little phrase here. I don't want to skip the topic because I think there's more. But you say yes, I know that women are perpetually horny and that they desire and think about sex even more so than men. So that is hard to imagine for most men in this day and age. Can you say something more about how you came to learn that Like?
Speaker 1:
everything else. Women told me this. Women have taught me this over the years. It's like they are. They have an abundance of sexual fantasies but they don't disclose it because I don't want invasion. So I'm you know. So they keep it to themselves until someone that they trust that they can open up that space. Then it's an overflow, then it's look out. You know. That's why a woman will. If a woman finds it opens up herself and she has a quality sexual experience with the guy, she'll chase that she doesn't want that. Then she'll keep wanting it to keep continuing, you know, because it's not easy to find that you can trust yourself with somebody who's going to be a good experience. So yeah, women are thinking about sex all the time, but they must disguise it Because it's a society. Just think about it all the time. You better believe it.
Speaker 2:
So probably the Colombian women with the tingles is feeling them, since the moment dot, and because we can't read that Because in the animal kingdom, women, the females, go in heat.
Speaker 1:
So there's a very apparent evidence that they're receptive. I think we're the only animal kingdom that doesn't that the females do not express receptivity, Because the way the soy was really, and so we're guessing the whole time. We're guessing, guessing, guessing, guessing, and so you know we have no signals of it until you slowly start to get a sense. So you just make the assumption that they're thinking about it all the time as much as we are. You know how much sex you're thinking about all the time, right, it's recognize that and recognize that women are thinking about it more than that.
Speaker 3:
Well, you can multitask.
Speaker 2:
It's easier for them I haven't worked for ages and be a horny antler over car at the same time. So, yeah, I imagine that there's a lot of truth there and there's some assumption there that helps you out. Yes, like your favorite way of looking at the world is to fully believe in it.
Speaker 1:
Yes, and somebody like, as always, some psychologists might come along and say that's not true, because look at this chart in the scientific study, and we've done this and we've surveyed 10,000 people and what you're saying is wrong.
Speaker 2:
Okay, but my assumption is that and that's a light I've seen, where I surmise to be true and I like the way it feels- to think that way you know, I'm just getting memories of dating as a younger man, thinking that women are never horny and that I have to do a whole bunch of stuff to get them in the morning. And like what a way to look at the world and look at women thinking oh, men are the only people that are horny here. I have to jump through, you know, have to jump to the moon and back in order to find a woman in that place, and it's incredible.
Speaker 1:
I think every young man thinks that Everything. Most men think that's still so out their lives they're thinking that they have to get hurt in the mood. They have to do all this stuff to get her in the mood. She's in the mood. Jess wants an intriguing presentation. That's why husbands are laying in bed. What do I have to do to get my wife in the mood? Tonight I said that's everywhere like that. She's not in the mood again. She's got a headache. She's got a headache, she's got a headache, she's got a headache. What do I have to do? What can I do? Miserdeur, try this buy her a flower.
Speaker 2:
Just laughing at this intriguing presentation. Like you wrap it up in a ribbon or something.
Speaker 1:
So yeah. So they're waiting to be seduced. Women are waiting to be seduced by their husbands, by their life partners, and the men are just like okay, I finished my work, I put my video game down, let's go at it Right. And there's nothing in there that fulfills her, which is her emotional dreamscape Possibilities. There's no vibration in that man, there's no vibration in his voice when he talks to her, when he's going for dinner with him, driving the car with her.
Speaker 1:
There's no vibration in his spirit that she can feel. You all know that women in vibration, that's a perfect match. Women like vibration and if a man doesn't have a vibrating spirit, she can't feel that sexual energy. It's his voice that we look at her, the way you have fun with her, the things you do with her, the things you say to her. We go, work, work, work, work, work, football, sports, sports, sports, sports. Turn to her. Okay, now let's jump at it. That's how it's set. There's no vibration in any of your day with her.
Speaker 2:
If you've got anything more on this love. It's a symmetrical topic or attraction.
Speaker 1:
Yeah it was.
Speaker 3:
Let's say again it's not a paradox, it's a clarification that I think we agree. Intimacy is symmetrical. We talk a lot about polarity and the more sexual connection between the mask and the feminine, which is a symmetry to it.
Speaker 1:
Yes, that's true, it's symmetrical. There's a balance. There's a balance. The problem is we're all blended together in the middle, or a large portion of the men have shifted over into the feminine side, so that we're out of balance. It's like is there on that side of the boat? That makes sense. So yeah, everything has symmetry in it. Beauty, which we've been talking about since the very first chapter. Beauty, one of the elements that you know the philosopher has been expounding for centuries, since the Greeks. Symmetry, the golden rectangle, you know the perfect ratio.
Speaker 2:
What's that? What's the golden?
Speaker 1:
rectangle. It's from ancient philosophy, which is and they build all the temples that have this proportion, which is the most pleasing proportion.
Speaker 2:
It's not a square.
Speaker 1:
It's not a long, it's a certain thing, and a lot of the temples and all of the ancient art and a lot of the things were built on. What is the pleasing aspect? Architects, you know, they cut their teeth on this kind of concept, but it's thousands of years old. It's the symmetry. Symmetry used to be the equation to beauty. Beauty has a quality of symmetry, you see.
Speaker 2:
The golden ratio, and that can be made up out of similarity, like these are two bits that look like each other, or fit together, or it could be perfectly symmetrical to the opposite as well, because everything we talked about, remember polarity, female, male spirit.
Speaker 1:
There's a balance in there, a divine balance, and that is symmetrical.
Speaker 1:
And we also talk about shoulder to shoulder, going in the same direction. That's symmetrical too. In all the conversations it's symmetrical, you see, like most conversations are like I'm going to interest you and me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. One way, and what I've been talking about all this time is to present something the imitation. There's a symmetry because now it's on her side, she can continue that symmetry by picking that up or not. But it's always like the imitation is a two-way thing. It's put out there and it's left for her. Now there's a symmetry in that too, to me. That's why this whole concept is beauty. The whole concept is the search for beauty, the search for symmetry in her lives.
Speaker 1:
Balance there's another way of saying it. I have all these images R and lower energy. Yeah, balance, exactly, exactly. There's a balance too. If a man has all upper energy. He's this nice, perpetual nice guy who's wandering around being funny and she invites him to the parties because he's entertaining and he's so nice he brings booze, so let's invite him too. Nobody wants to have sex with him because he doesn't have that spirit and the spirit of vibration at all, and a guy who is only the lower energy is an overbearing, invasive creep. That's a sexual invasion and we don't like that. But the balance is perfect. Symmetry it's what my concept in the way of women involved. The two rivets, that's symmetry.
Speaker 3:
That's interesting. We started off talking about these things like paradoxes and now we realize they're not paradoxes, they're tools about balance and symmetry. It's a different perspective.
Speaker 1:
And you see how it all ties together into a whole, like you've been saying this when we're taking breaks from the film. Which is remarkable to you is that all these little things that you try and understand if you take it out of context, like, for instance, curiosity, which is a beautiful, beautiful thing you take it out of context and you're only curious, you're just an interviewing nice guy but you put it all together into the balance of the whole and the symmetry of the whole and wow, what a man has been created here because of that.
Speaker 2:
See, maybe love is mathematics.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, there's a thing on Wikipedia if you pick any random article, it doesn't matter what it is you click the first link in the article and then the first link of that one, the first link of that one. You'll eventually end up on the mathematics page.
Speaker 2:
That's where it all comes from. Think about Hermes of Greece and he drew up the metaphysical principles that run the universe and apparently he made it to 365 years of age because he mastered what it means to live based on these principles and he would say, the law of correspondence as above, so below, and everything in human beings is mapped out in the stars and that's where astrology comes from. Do you believe in star signs and all that kind of stuff over the last few days? And it's hard to believe in them because they're so generic that he would look up to the stars and really measure someone's math fully and that would tell them actually really incisive things about their personality and who would go with who and what would happen in this relationship. And their whole art and science was to deconstruct that, and not in the modern popular way, but like in an ancient mystical way.
Speaker 1:
Hm I haven't heard that before.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and it's like they could map out the fate of people based on what was going on up there, because the mathematics and the symmetry of what was in the sky is also reflected down here, and vice versa. They were trying to do magic in a physical realm to influence the spiritual.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean. Symmetry has been influencing us for a long time. Aesthetics is based on the study of symmetry and how it makes you feel and what it presents to the world. Is it useful, for instance, is it utilitarian, to have symmetry? It's an interesting concept.
Speaker 2:
It's interesting to remember there are more channels than the physical.
Speaker 1:
Everything in here is like yeah, exactly Like you said, you've got the physical body and you've got the metaphysical body. There's symmetry there too. We're talking here about the man who's the father figure, and the little boy. There's a symmetry there, too. The woman, the women that identify with this age old complex which is, to put the vernacular on it, the Madonna-Hawke complex Symmetry in that too, because they're both Women, are both In the right context. They want to explore both aspects.
Speaker 2:
And a man who doesn't allow his little boy, like his vulnerable side, his child, to express itself won't ever get that love from the Madonna part of his woman. That's correct. There's nowhere for that to go.
Speaker 1:
Exactly Correct. There's no, there's no. There's nothing in him that that appeals to her, to her nature, to nurture and give, to take care. You rob a woman of that.
Speaker 3:
And you can only have symmetry if you have authenticity. Yes, it seems like a lot of guys are saying we feel that cloud of hoardiness, as you call it. They're singing something they like and they're adapting their personality. They're trying to these mind games and masks and immobilization to fit into her. So we're going this is me and if we connect, we connect. We don't and we're not going to pretend to be someone else. We both have false connections.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so I was saying this is me. Somewhere in the world I'm going to find my match, my equal, my other half Somewhere. Just be me. And if we're faking parts of it, then we'll get into relationships that are not symmetrical Symmetrical according to the falseness we're putting out there, right?
Speaker 3:
It comes back to. We've spoken the break about the symposium, which is, you know, it's ancient thing where they talked about love and this whole idea of finding another half came from that. It was amusing because all the speeches are philosophical and serious, and this was only comedy speech. We said it as a joke and we once the animal was me we were soaring too, we had four legs and four arms, and now we came together and that's our now modern view of love, even though it was the only one that's meant as a light-hearted joke, just to use attention a bit.
Speaker 1:
There's something to that, yeah, and the ancient Greeks had this concept too, of that we're our soulmate is our other half. We're a sphere, we're cut in half and we spend our lives looking for that other half of our sphere.
Speaker 3:
And that's why this whole book is all about being natural, Because the artificial advice people are getting about that how to pretend to be someone else Right.
Speaker 2:
I also want to say, like the sense of symmetry, at least in my experience I don't feel as if it's permanent. I think there might be one aspect to me that's permanent, but every time I have something with a woman and learn that life lesson or learn that spiritual lesson that was the point of that meeting something in me has changed. I can't be attracted to the same woman or the same resident of women again.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, that's a natural evolution of you at taking lessons in life, having trials, having experiences, having glorious things happen and becoming a different awareness. You become more aware of things and you have greater desires, or different desires, than you had before. Different needs, different wants, different ideas you want to talk about. That's a cool thing. Life is not just a static thing, but we're sure buying into that till we're 65 and retire.
Speaker 2:
We both had a chat the other day about meeting the girls that we met. Like that are on our Facebook, but we haven't seen since we were 17 or 18 years old. Being like what? Seven relationships later? Yeah, Having nothing in common.
Speaker 1:
Imagine you're early.
Speaker 2:
Any of these were. I thought that recently yeah.
Speaker 1:
Imagine your early crushes that you thought was the one for sure, and you're like, wow, that didn't work. It's true, you have that. We have nothing in common at all.
Speaker 2:
Like the boy who sets out on that quest for the pearl, comes back thinking that's his girl, and when she wants him he's no longer interested because the very trip has got into the cells of his body and transforms it. It's like his DNA is different after an adventure. He can no longer shrink back to that resonance, that vibration he had a few months before. He's already operated in a different place, needs another one. I don't know if that parable a long time ago in the process of his book was one of the great things I wrote, because it seemed to make sense to me.
Speaker 1:
It mirrored my experiences for sure. You realize that the journey is more important than that One you test all your dreams and hopes upon. It's a bigger way of looking at the world. It's a bigger way of looking at the world.